Addiction is widespread in the United States, and chances are, someone close to you is struggling with this. Helping an addict isn’t easy. Those struggling with addiction are heavily invested, both physically and psychologically, to continue using substances.
So is there a way to encourage a friend or loved one to stop using drugs? Although there is no foolproof method, and the decision to seek treatment in most cases depends on the person who is using the substances, Wellbrook Recovery is here to guide you. The following are strategies from the pioneers in addiction treatment, outlining how to support a loved one with addiction.
How to Help Someone With Addiction
Many alcohol and drug rehab programs emphasize that the addicts themselves must admit they have a problem before they can begin recovery. This means that the person suffering from a substance abuse issue is the only one who can take responsibility for the progress of their treatment. However, this doesn’t mean that people close to the addict can’t take steps to encourage them on the road to recovery.
Addiction is tricky because it is self-perpetuating. It is a vicious cycle in which the person becomes increasingly dependent on the substance. Despite evidence that this dependence threatens their careers or relationships with loved ones, they may deny they have a problem. This denial allows them to continue using substances freely and justify their behavior.
Denial can make helping an addict difficult, and it can even seem impossible. How can you help an addict who doesn’t want help? Fortunately, there are ways to approach a loved one with a substance abuse problem. There is no guarantee that they will seek treatment, but having a strategy will improve the chances of success.
The Changing Attitudes Towards Addiction
In the not-so-distant past, alcoholism and drug addiction were considered to be moral failings. Decades ago, there wasn’t much research or understanding about the dynamics of addiction. This caused people to hide their addiction and use alcohol and drugs in secret, which compounded the problem of addiction.
Much has changed in attitudes about addiction. In many cases, a person can get a medical leave from their job to go into rehab, whereas in the past, they would have been immediately fired if their addiction were discovered. The reason for this is that alcoholism and drug abuse are now classified as a disease rather than a moral lapse.
Can You Help a Drug Addict? First Change Your Mindset
The first step to helping an addict isn’t necessarily taken by them but by people close to them. It’s important to keep the following in mind:
- Their substance abuse problem is not their fault
- Their substance abuse problem is not your fault
- Substance abuse is a disease, not a choice
- It may take several conversations before an addict will seek help
Although the initial decision to use drugs and alcohol was a conscious choice, substance abuse disorder is a disease that affects the brain. This means the substance abuse is not the addict’s fault; when they use the substance, they will have the compulsion to continue using the substance over and over regardless of the harm they will do to themselves, at least until they seek treatment.
At the same time, it is also useful to keep in mind that your loved one’s substance abuse problem is not your or anyone else’s fault. Addicts may blame their boss, their spouse, or even their children on the fact they drink too much or use drugs. This is the addiction talking and is not the reality. Addiction is a disease, and other people are not responsible for “causing” someone to use substances.
Something else to keep in mind when helping an addict is that it may take several attempts at engagement before your loved one will seek treatment. The dynamics of denial may mean they will have a negative knee-jerk reaction to any conversation about getting help. However, despite denials, the words and message may sink in and encourage them.
How Do You Help Someone With an Alcohol Addiction?
Although the substances addicts may use vary widely, alcohol is still the most commonly abused drug. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that more people aged 12 and older have used alcohol over the past year than tobacco or any other recreational drug.
Since alcohol, at least for those of legal age, is a socially acceptable drug, it is much easier for those with drinking problems to be in denial that their drinking is an issue since there are many available excuses. Expressions such as “I need a drink” are so commonplace that it can be difficult to know whether we or someone else has a drinking problem, at least until physical dependence sets in.
Signs to Look Out For
The following signs can help to determine if someone has a drinking problem:
- Inability to limit the amount the person drinks
- Regularly making excuses for drinking, such as pressure or life challenges
- Drinking alone
- Unwillingness to participate in activities that don’t provide easy access to alcohol
- Expresses the desire to quit drinking, but admits they cannot
If a loved one shows signs of alcohol abuse, helping an addict may mean helping yourself first. It’s important to be honest with yourself about your feelings regarding your family or friend’s addiction. Understand that you are not to blame or responsible for their behavior, nor can you make them get help if they don’t want to. However, talking to them may be the first step to getting them on the road to recovery with alcohol addiction treatment. This conversation will require careful preparation.
How to Talk to an addict
Broaching the topic of addiction is never easy, particularly with someone likely to be defensive or in denial. Keeping this in mind, it is important to understand how to talk to an addict and avoid statements implying blame or judgment.
Here are some important points to keep in mind:
- Educate yourself about addiction
- Be kind and empathetic
- Say “I” more often than “You”
- Do more listening than talking
- Offer to help rather than telling them what to do
- Don’t give up
Before speaking to a loved one about their addiction, read up on the subject to gain an understanding of the dynamics of addiction and what help is available. Although their substance use can be upsetting, try to focus on kindness and empathy rather than anger and impatience. Your loved one is likely feeling negative about themself and ashamed of their substance use, so kindness will make them more open to solutions.
Use phrases such as “I feel so alone when you’ve been drinking” rather than “You are neglecting me by drinking so much.” Be ready to listen when they open up and don’t reply immediately – they need to feel heard. Offer to help them look for programs or treatment centers that are right for them. In addition, keep in mind that denial may cause them to dismiss the first conversation, but it may take more than one try to convince them to get help.
How to Help an Addict Who Doesn't Want Help
One of the most challenging aspects of helping an addict is assisting them even if they don’t want to seek help. They may either deny they have a problem altogether or, if they admit it, may feel they can get sober on their own, despite numerous failures.
If you are dealing with an addict who has rejected help, keep the following in mind:
- Keep communication lines open
- Set boundaries, especially financial
- Avoid using guilt as a tool
- Consider an intervention
It is frustrating when a loved one who is addicted won’t seek help, but don’t cut off lines of communication. Touch base with them so they always know they can contact you and seek your assistance and support in case they change their minds.
However, it is important to set boundaries. If you have been giving money that they are using for drugs or alcohol, stop immediately. Also, avoid using guilt as a way to get them to stop using substances. Focus on empathy rather than making them the problem.
Many addicts may be in denial about how their drinking or using drugs is affecting those close to them. An intervention may be an important strategy to let them know that their behavior has an effect. An intervention should be carefully planned with realistic ultimatums that will make an impact. It is therefore important not to be too hasty with an intervention, and you may want to consider professional intervention services.
How to Get Someone Into Rehab?
When it is clear someone close to you needs professional help for addiction, there are several steps you can take:
- Research available options
- Contact rehab centers
- Stage an intervention
If you are going to insist that your loved one needs help, it is important to know where to steer them and to be prepared with relevant information ahead of time. Although rehab is the best, and in some cases, the only way to safely deal with late-stage addiction, a self-help group such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous may be sufficient for those with less severe dependency.
Contact rehab centers to see if they have availability and what kind of insurance they take. If the person is ready to go, it’s essential to know that there is a spot available.
Planning an intervention may be the most effective way to encourage your loved one to seek help. The first step is to assemble an intervention team of family, friends, and perhaps a professional. Decide on an ultimatum, which may mean asking the person to move out if they don’t seek treatment. Plan what to say beforehand, and ensure the tone is empathetic, not accusatory. The intervention should feel supportive rather than punitive.
How to Encourage an Addict to Get Help
If the conversation or the intervention was successful, your loved one may finally realize that they need to get help. Research their options with them and decide what works for them. Do they need inpatient care, a sick leave from work or will outpatient treatment with a therapist be sufficient? Look into 12-step programs, such as AA. Most of all, the best way of helping an addict is to make it clear they are not alone but have people around them who love and support them.
How to Support a Loved One in Recovery
The first phase of recovery can be a vulnerable time for many addicts. Supporting a recovering addict during this period is crucial for their healing to have staying power. In a study published in Current Psychiatry Reports, 85% of addicts return to using substances in the first year of recovery. This statistic shouldn’t be a reason to give up hope, but it is possible to beat the odds, and sometimes, sobriety takes a few tries.
That is why this period is crucial, and those who want to help an addict should consider the following:
- Be Patient
- Model good behavior
- Find activities that can be alternatives to using drugs or alcohol
- Be ready to listen
- Celebrate small victories
The path of recovery is seldom smooth, and that means being patient and providing a listening ear. Your loved one may want to give up, but just being heard may encourage them to stick with it.
Also, you need not quit drinking yourself, but you should strive not to drink or use substances in front of the person in recovery. Find other things you can do with your friend or loved one besides drinking or using substances. Also, be ready to celebrate milestones no matter how small–24 hours, 3 days, one week, one month.
How to Support Addicts After They Finish Treatment
When someone you care about has completed rehab, you may express that you are proud of them. Make sure that you are consistent in touching base. After completing recovery, a person may feel they have been released from addiction, but complacency can set in. Also, they may feel lonely, since their old friends may still be using drugs, and the isolation could cause them to relapse. Touch base with them and be involved in their lives to make it easier for them to remain sober.
The Importance of Self-Care for Supporters of Addicts
One of the best ways of helping an addict is by taking care of ourselves. Although we can be there to support someone in recovery, we don’t have ownership over their sobriety or bear responsibility should they relapse. To avoid burnout or codependency, it is important to set healthy boundaries and to seek professional help or therapy when supporting people you care about. It’s more than necessary to give yourself that boost.
Taking the First Step Towards Helping an Addict
Addiction is complex and often misunderstood. Substance abuse disorder is a disease and should be treated as such. This means that those who suffer from it should be regarded with compassion and encouraged to seek professional help.
You are not responsible for someone else’s sobriety. Still, there are many steps you can take in helping an addict on their path to recovery by offering support, setting healthy boundaries, and encouraging them to seek the appropriate treatment program.
Although recovery is a long road that requires persistence and patience, many have succeeded, particularly with support and compassion.
If you, a family member, or a friend are struggling with addiction, talk to us at Wellbrook Recovery for professional advice and a support network both for the addict and their loved ones. The path to healing is just a step away.
