Watching a loved one battle addiction is painful, and seeing them relapse can be heartbreaking. However, many individuals in recovery experience setbacks. A relapse in addiction, defined as a return to substance use among recovering patients, is often part of the healing journey.
Knowing what to do when a loved one relapses can make a significant difference in their recovery process. Wellbrook Recovery, a top-of-the-line drug and alcohol treatment center, has created a guide to help you discover the warning signs of relapse, how to talk to a loved one after relapse, and which treatment options are available for long-term recovery.
Table of Contents
Understanding Relapse: The First Step to Dealing With a Loved One’s Relapse
Relapse occurs when someone who has achieved sobriety returns to using drugs or alcohol. Relapse is very common during recovery. In fact, about half of people with substance use disorders experience a relapse at some point.
Many factors can lead a person to relapse, including:
- Temptation: Situations that tempt the person to return to drug use. For example, places where a person would have previously used alcohol or drugs.
- Triggers: Circumstances that act as a trigger for substance use as a coping strategy. For example, insecure housing, professional setbacks, or social pressures.
- Pre-existing mental health issues
- Physical health issues: Poor physical health can cause someone to use non-prescription drugs, particularly if they have pain.
Recognizing the Signs of Relapse
To better understand the early signs of relapse, it is important that relapse is viewed in stages. There are three stages of relapse, and each stage features tell-tale signs. The earlier these signs are detected, the sooner the recovering individual can take action.
The Three Stages of Relapse and Early Warning Signs
- Emotional Relapse: During this first phase, the recovering individual may not be thinking about using. However, their emotions and actions point towards a possible relapse. Early warning signs of relapse in this stage include:
- Suppressing emotions
- Increased stress and anxiety
- Mood swings
- Isolation from loved ones
- Lack of motivation
- Mental Relapse: In the mental relapse phase, individuals begin to experience cravings and start romanticizing past substance use. Common warning signs include:
- Thinking about using substances again
- Glorifying past substance use
- Feeling like they can have “one drink”
- Rationalizing and lying
- Spending time with those actively using substances
- Physical Relapse: In this stage, the individual returns to drug or alcohol usage. Signs of a complete relapse include:
- Skipping therapy and support group meetings
- Reconnecting with old friends
- Lying, being secretive, or withdrawing from loved ones
- Financial issues or skipping work
- Risky behavior
What to Do When a Loved One Relapses
Caregivers need to know how to react when a loved one relapses and is experiencing any of the stages described above. They should keep a few best practices in mind. Remember that it can be difficult to provide support and maintain healthy boundaries while allowing loved ones to employ coping mechanisms and resources that may not work. Below are some strategies to follow when your loved ones relapse:
1. Encourage Open Communication
Honest conversations with your loved one following a relapse must be approached with care. Listed below are some tips to foster a successful and open conversation:
- Setting: Ensure the setting you hold the conversation in is familiar and comfortable for your loved one.
- Time: Be sure that you and your loved one have time to talk and are not rushed.
- Tone of Voice: Speak calmly and gently to maintain a relaxed atmosphere where your loved one is not uptight.
- Ask Questions: Rather than stating what you think are facts, invite your loved one to tell you about their feelings and triggers.
- Listen: Listen with an open mind as your loved one shares and show understanding with your body language.
2. Don’t Blame or Shame
Shaming and blaming will make your loved one feel worthless and will rob them of the will to try again. By placing blame, your loved one is immediately put on the defensive and will not be open to change.
It’s crucial to approach your family member or friend who relapsed in a non-judgemental manner. This will put them at ease and make them more likely to open up and be receptive to what you tell them.
3. Sustain Healthy Boundaries
Setting firm boundaries is important for you and your loved one. Boundaries help preserve your mental health, your loved one’s efforts to maintain sobriety, and encourage healthy behaviors. Some boundaries you can set include:
- Financial Boundaries: Let them know you will not be giving them any money as you will not enable them to buy any substances.
- Home Boundaries: You can warn your loved one that if they use substances they will need to move out of the house.
- Consequences: Set firm consequences and keep to them. Let your loved one know the consequences so that if they violate a boundary, they will know what’s coming.
4. Develop a Prevention Plan
In the event of a relapse, it should be interpreted as a warning that your loved one requires further treatment and care. Designing a relapse prevention plan will help prevent your loved one from reverting back to old, unhealthy behaviors.
Points to include in the prevention plan include:
- Triggers: List the people, places, and things with potential to lead to a relapse.
- Cravings: Compile a list of things your loved one feels comfortable doing to manage cravings.
- Preventative Tools: Compile a list of relapse prevention tools. Think about things that can help your loved one feel good instead of turning to substances.
- Support Groups: Support groups are important when facing a relapse. Encourage your loved one to visit a 12-step therapy group or to explore different options to connect with new people.
- Lifestyle Changes: Brainstorm ways in which your loved one can amend the damage caused by addiction in their life. Think of different things that can act as motivations to make positive decisions.
5. Stay Involved in Their Treatment Journey
You can stay involved in your loved one’s treatment process by continuing to show support and actively participating in their therapy sessions or attending family support groups.
Keep updated on your loved one’s progress in a non-judgemental way by asking them questions and not forcing them to answer. You can let them know how proud you are when they make progress and celebrate small wins as well.
6. Seek Support for Yourself
A 2023 study by NIDA (National Institute on Drug Abuse) found that 63% of adult family members experienced emotional distress due to their family members’ substance use disorder. It is essential for you to have a support system in place and attend support groups for families of addicts. These support groups can provide education, strengthen relationships, and help you understand what your loved one is going through.
Support groups provide a safe space for you to work on past conflicts and resolve hurt feelings with others who understand you and the challenges you face.
7. Acknowledge Your Own Feelings
Allow yourself to feel hurt, angry, or disappointed, and acknowledge that you are going through a very difficult time. While acknowledging your emotions is crucial, ensure you do not take out your feelings of frustration on your loved one as that will be counterproductive to what you’re trying to accomplish.
How Not to Talk to a Loved One After Relapse
Many people are at a loss for what to do when a family member relapses, which may result in them accidentally saying hurtful or harmful things.
Here are some examples of what NOT to say to your loved one:
- Don’t blame them by saying: “Why did you mess up?”
- Don’t shame them by saying: “I’m so angry at you right now!”
- Don’t pressure them by saying: “You need to try X,Y,Z treatment!”
- Don’t make excuses for them by saying: “Your friends influenced you.”
Understand What to Do When a Loved One Relapses
Relapse can feel discouraging, but it does not indicate the end of the recovery journey. It’s hard to know what to do when a loved one relapses. However, by responding appropriately, setting healthy boundaries, encouraging ongoing treatment, and getting the care you need for yourself, you can support your loved ones in finding their path back to sobriety.
If your loved one is struggling after a relapse, Wellbrook Recovery is here to help. Our team of professionals offer evidence-based treatment options to foster long-term recovery. Reach out today to learn more about our stellar programs and ways we can assist you and your loved one along their road to lasting recovery.
FAQs on Dealing With a Loved One’s Relapse
Is relapse a common part of recovery?
Yes, relapse is part of the recovery process and many people experience it.
How can I help my loved one without enabling them?
It is important to give your loved one emotional support, encouragement, and love, while still holding them accountable when they break any boundary you set. Maintaining healthy boundaries may appear harsh and may be difficult to uphold, yet they are crucial for your safety and your loved one’s recovery.
When should I seek professional help for myself?
Make sure to reach out to a professional for guidance if you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or unable to cope. Getting the support you need will help your challenges feel more manageable and ensure your mental health is intact, allowing you to be there for your loved one dealing with relapse.
